‘Between the idea and the reality falls the shadow’ T.S. Eliot

Have you ever had a fabulous idea that seemed to work well when you were thinking about it, but when you tried to implement the idea, it fell apart? We all have examples of where this happens. It may be our expectations of another person, where we walk away feeling disappointed and let down

Human beings are creative creatures. Any human made structure was once an idea. Cars, electricity, mobile phones, bread – absolutely anything that has not occurred through nature alone has been created by human beings. This is impressive. It shows that we create our reality. We live in a generation where many people have never lived in a reality without internet and mobile phones.

With so much evidence around us to suggest that we can create our reality, our destiny and shape the future, why do we struggle to take the risk to live our dreams? The same ideas that have created so much freedom for us, have also become our prison. We have invented a dependence on money, lost the capacity to survive in nature, and seem to think that material possessions are a major key to happiness. These ideas have become so normal to us that we often don’t question them. We have also created so many regulations that trying to be innovative can seem difficult.

How can I make a difference? How can YOU make a difference? Look around you, notice the miracle of the world humans have created (in all its complexity) and go out and contribute your creative genius to the mix, no matter how big or small your ideas.

Trying to force change - does it work?

I was at dinner with some other coaches and we were talking about change. As a psychologist I see a lot of people who are desperate to change. Their desire to change how they are feeling and/or their life circumstances is incredibly strong and yet they stay stuck, feeling more hopeless. Why is it the case that when we want change, often we are stuck?

The answer lies in the question. Wanting things to be different often keeps us stuck. When wanting change is a result of trying to escape what we have now, it means we are fighting our current experience of life. Change motivated by inspiration and what is possible is a space of true creativity and a powerful energy. Change motivated by aversion and the need to escape keeps us trapped. The situation we are in right now is just what it is. To say we want to be where we are not is to argue with reality – it is in its own way insane. Trying to change our experience of the present moment can only occur when we accept it, just as it is. Our experience of life is not determined by what is happening right now, it is 100% determined by our interpretation of what is happening.

An example is a client who says that they do not like feeling stressed or anxious. We have labelled stress, anxiety, anger, frustration and many other emotions as bad or wrong and as a result we try to run away from them. People think happiness is about nice feelings all the time. It is not. Happiness is being able to experience the whole, range of emotions and feelings we have without judgement and to see them for what they are – NORMAL. Once we accept what is, we can truly chose what we want to do. If we do not accept what is, then our choices are narrowed significantly as they evolve around escape from that which we find unacceptable.

The paradox is that once we accept what is, no matter how unpleasant, it loses its power. An exercise I use with clients is to exaggerate and focus exclusively on the emotion that they are trying to avoid. Their instructions are to find time in the day to generate that emotion and keep it strong, with no interruptions from happy emotions for a given period of time. Their job is to create that unpleasant emotion and keep it going. So many clients say ‘that will be easy because I always feel stressed’, but when they try it they cannot sustain it. When the stop trying to fight their experience, it changes, naturally, without effort. Change is the natural order of the universe, and so when we let the energy be, as it is, we also let it go. When we fight it we keep it stuck within us.

To exist? To live?

To exist

To live.

Between one and the other

Lie all the colours of the rainbow

lie the texture

the feel

of life

To merely exist can be a painful experience, as there is a part of our being that longs to live fully, to immerse ourselves in the richness of life. Yet sometimes we withdraw into our shell and hold ourselves tightly, not letting in anything that will risk our safety. That safety feels warm and familiar yet after a while it can feel suffocating and we may long to reach beyond it, but the fear. What do we do with the fear?

It is not fear that prevents us from stepping beyond the cocoon. It is not wanting to feel fear that is its own prison.

This may seem a confusing distinction, but it is pivotal to living life fully. You will feel fear every time you stretch yourself. Fear and excitement are closely linked. Fear can be seen as excitement without the support or belief you can succeed. Consider the possibility of bundling up your fear, taking it with us and stepping out anyway. Step out at your own pace - it does not have to be a huge step to be significant. It is a step. Wrap up your fear and carry it with you when you step out. If you can let yourself feel your fear then it can be a powerful way to live. You do not need to be free of fear before you live fully. Feeling fear is part of living fully. Embrace it. if you know in your heart what you want to do but fear is stopping you from taking a step - be brave. not listening to your heart can have big implications on your fulfillment in life. Bury it and you will wonder where your passion has gone. Remember - any step in the direction of your passion is fantastic. Celebrate it!

Leadership - love it or hate it?

So you think you are a leader? Perhaps you want to be a leader? Or do you hate the concept of leadership? I think many confuse leadership with power. We see people who have the power to make decisions that effect our lives and we see them make choices we disagree with. We see people leading countries that justifying killing people. However, how about we look at leadership from another angle.

A question for you. Do you want to be free to express yourself? Do you want to fully accept and be at peace with all of who you are? Take a moment to remember a moment when felt at peace. If you have never felt that, take a moment to continue doing exactly what you are doing.

You know a leader when you see one because it has nothing to do with power. Real leaders are often not in positions of power, and some of the people who are in positions of power got there because they inspired other people with their leadership. In my experience, true leaders are those people who are totally at home with themselves and all of their humanity. They are not trying to be something they are not, Authenticity, or true self expression is attractive to us because their peace has the effect of bringing us home to ourselves somehow. They are usually very funny because they are light hearted about themselves and their humanity. True leaders inspires us to accept who we really are because they are fully themselves, and when you are fully yourself you are free. When you are fully yourself you do not feel the need to change other people to make you feel better because you realise that other people are not the source of your happiness. They shine a light within us and give us access to our own brilliance by being connected to their own brilliance. Real Leaders are open hearted and not threatened by others. They do not propagate hate, self sacrifice now for some apparent reward later - real leaders give us access to the best in ourselves.

Whatever your opinion of the word Leadership, consider that when you are profoundly connected and inspired by all of who YOU, and you life is a reflection of this, you inspire others. So be true to you. Let go of trying to be what you think other people want you to be and let yourself be brilliant in whatever way inspires you.