Finding our own truth

I am in a muddle. What to do? I feel compelled by my dream to travel overseas and do international peace-building work. As a result of my inner push to do peace-building I am leaving Australia for India in October this year. Making the decision to follow my heart feels easy on one level and difficult on another. On one level it is a relief to trust my passion. But our culture trains us to fear letting go. So there is  a niggling fear in my mind about the future. When I let go of the need to accumulate 'things/stuff' the voices of our culture whisper in my ear 'but what about security' and 'you need assets to support you in the future' and 'you are being irresponsible'...

Yet accumulating assets is not my dream. I want to have enough to live, and what is enough? Accumulating wealth and assets may be your dream, and if it is then I am impressed, perhaps even jealous. My dream is our planet without violence. My dream is a world where we can live together in harmony. It is an ideal. it is not achievable and it does not have any regard for material wealth. I feel like I 'should' want more security. But I don't. I see myself  as a visitor in the world and it is freeing to travel light. It  is about trust.

But what about the dream society tells us about family. As a woman, surely I should want to be in a stable relationship and have kids. My brother asked me when I am going to settle down. I do not know if I want that dream. It does not speak to me clearly like travelling overseas, yet what is the truth here?  I have never been great at relationships, so perhaps the truth is that I am scared of them and to allow myself to fall in love, commit and settle down is on a core level more authentic than doing what I know I am good at - being free.

I have lived long enough to know that sometimes i think one thing is what I want, but really it is something altogether different. I used to think my mother was a controlling judgmental person and that I did not want anything to do with her. I realised through some confronting coaching that I pushed her away when I was very young because I did not think she wanted me and she had not stood a chance of being close to me after that. So one seeming truth was just a smokescreen for a  deeper longing for love. This realisation transformed my relationship with my mother into a wonderful relationship.

What I have got from writing this blog post is that when I am pulled by a positive and expansive energy towards something I need to trust it. When I am pushing away from someone or something due to anger or fear,  then it is not my real self making the decision, but anger and pain making the decision.

The point of this blog is that our personal truth is important, but sometimes it is difficult to figure out what that is. Let inspiration guide you and don't let pain make your decisions for you.