Sunday, 23 December 2012

Reflections on Conflict In Kenya

Team Meeting 

Working in the Kenyan context is like having the rug pulled out from under me over and over again. People talk the talk and the actions don’t match. Things seem money driven. From a Spiral Dynamics Integral (SDi) perspective (for info http://www.spiraldynamics.net/), the vMemes (core values) are strong red (individualistic, egocentric and power to the strongest). There is purple in there but only from a red perspective. The tribal element (purple) is mostly because they think that they will get what they want only if their tribal leaders are in power. So the tribal card is played by politicians and the people follow because their experience is that ‘when my person is in power it is our turn to eat’ – a phrase I have heard many people say. So it is all about survival and self interest at so many levels. To have a competitive political democracy in a culture where there is corruption and competitive tribal elements is like putting a match to petrol. The political structure is used to create tribal divisions so the powerful few can get into power.

Theme of Peacebuilding Workshop with Kuza Africa
Kuza Africa Workshop
From an SDi perspective, theoretically one would say that we need more blue, more infrastructure and mechanisms to mitigate the self interest. However I am learning the depth of vMemes systems. They are core. There is no point trying to impose a system to fix a problem because if the core vMemes are at a different level. The community will not be genuinely interested or ready and it will not work. In Kenya structures are put in place such as ‘The Anticorruption Commission,’ a legal system, and rules/regulations, but they are ineffective as the red value system runs through them. So they are corrupt and therefore they become another mechanism to express self interest. The police force is structured for corruption. For example, if a motorist breaks the law the police officer cannot fine the person on the spot. The police officer has to take the driver to the police station and process it there, then the driver goes to court and will be given the sentence in court. All this for a speeding ticket. Neither the motorist nor the police want the hassle of going to police station, the paperwork and court, so the driver can bribe the police and be let go. It is an industry as I have been told that the senior officers give the police on the street bribe quotas to meet every day.

Kuza Africa Workshop
And in the immigration department the officer looking after my file would not tell me how long the permit would take to process as he said it can vary depending... that I could ‘chip in’ (where his words). This is after he had been trying to hold my hand and wanted me to go to dinner with him so I got the package deal of harassment and wanting a bribe. Lucky me. It is a horrible power dynamic as this man could bury my file if I don’t play along. So I found someone else to assist me (which was not easy) who gave me all the information I needed in 2 minutes.

I suspect that the amount of money that changes hands through corruption would be a lot more than the official economy. It is on every level as the police get money from the matatu drives so the matatu drivers can get away with breaking the law, people in community projects organise with hotels and other services to get a commission for themselves when they pay the bill, and receipts are meaningless to anyone except the tax department as retailers are bribed to say that the amount was more than was actually paid. Much of the violence and killings starts with young people being paid by those in power and the attitude of the young people is that if they are paid they will kill, no question.

There is a sense of the community taking the law into their own hands. If a petty thief robs someone in the street and the community sees it, the community members will chase the thief and often kill them. I heard a story where a thief was robbing houses in an estate. The householders caught him and set him on fire. When the police arrived the police officer said that it would be a lot better if the community members finished him off before calling the police, so the policeman went away until the community had killed the thief. And this is all on the ground level. The community blames the politicians and police for corruption, but there is no need to go up the power hierarchy to find corruption and violence, it is everywhere.
Peace Workshop Open Space

At the gym I have been going to I have befriended a lovely woman from South America who has set up a business in Kenya. I was sharing some difficulties I was having with conflict and stories being created that are dividing the team I am in. She said that there is no way to escape corruption or to escape from employees stealing from the business, it is something that you just need to manage closely. This is sobering and a bit depressing. It is not the first time I have heard this. I am new at experiencing it directly.

The politicians are just a magnification of the mindset on the ground. For Kenyans it is ‘just how things are done here’ and for many it is not corruption. Yet NGOs go bankrupt as employees and managers bleed the funds, conflicts start in teams, people get murdered. It is like a mouse running on a wheel. It is difficult to see that there could be any real change. The impact is that Kenya struggles to develop, feed its people and the billions of aid dollars get eaten up by corruption. There is a joke here ‘How do you know if an NGO has got funding? The Executive Officer has a new house or car.’ The money never gets to the project and often fake reports are done.

Peace Walk Kisumu - Ugali is the Vegemite of Kenya
If we take an evolutionary perspective, ‘pole pole’ (‘slowly slowly’ in Swahili) is the way. It is not hard to understand why there is violence in Kenya. The fundamental motivation of many is money, fuelled by a fear or scarcity and a lack of trust in other people. You may say that people everywhere are motivated by money, but this is on a level that makes everywhere else I have been in the world look positively altruistic. You have to be here to understand just how poisonous the obsession for money is. And the grab for ‘small money’ (a term I have learnt in Kenya) today stops people from working together for the greater good down the track. It is as thought people think if they work together they will get less of the pie. As though they think the size of the pie will be the same if they work by themselves or work together. Yet the pie gets a lot bigger when we work together. Without a sense of collective responsibility there is little hope for people to get off the mouse wheel.

It is a lack of trust that gets reinforced over and over again through corruption and the sense people have that they are on their own, and whatever they need to do to get ahead is OK.

Peace Walk Kisumu
There is a desire to end corruption on an intellectual level, but just like the woman who keeps going back to the abusive husband, there is a hook that is deeply embedded and in the blind spot of our consciousness that keeps us stuck in the rut we are in.

Living in this culture is impacting on me. It reminds me of Baz Luhrman’s ‘Sunscreen song’ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI ) where he says ‘Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.’ I think living in Kenya is making me hard. Trying to work with teams here is a challenge and I don’t trust many people here. I am always wondering what they really want. My own integrity is not as strong either as the gap between my words and my actions grows. I used to be super reliable, but not so anymore as being reliable feels a lot harder here. I run late to meetings, I change my plans if it feels like it is too much hard work to get there, or the traffic is too much...

I am wondering if the sources of conflict in the world differ from context to context. Some conflict is fuelled by ideology and righteousness, such as religious conflict. Yet in Kenya conflict seems to be about basic survival, mistrust and individualism. There is a sense of righteousness in some conflict here, but a lot of it is justified through resource grabbing and power.

Peace Starts at Home workshop Nairobi
So solutions are not easy. There are a lot of people working hard to bring peace, justice, integrity and basic needs to Kenya. There are a lot of people who are genuinely committed to changing things and operating with integrity. Kenya has more NGOs doing social work of some kind than any other country in Africa. Yet while many are doing great work and making a real difference, many are feeding the money obsession and disempowering communities with handouts and giving money to people to participate in trainings and programs.

Domestic Violence Workshop Nairobi
As a psychologist I know that you cannot save people from their own journey even when they know they are in a destructive cycle. People need to find their own way. If people do not feel empowered or able to give up the addiction to, or face the fear that stops them changing then it is very difficult. I had a client who came to me for help in Australia. She told me she was stressed and there were a few things not working in her life. She later shared that she drinks a bottle of vodka every night and often can’t stand up. But in her view the alcohol wasn’t the real issue and she was not willing to look at it. Yet how can she have a life that works when she can’t stand up at the end of the night and she has young children that have an alcoholic mother.

Peace Starts at Home Workshop Nairobi
Kenya is evolving and there are many people doing great work. We cannot talk about peace in the world without acknowledging the intrapersonal work that each person needs to do to let go of the judgement, righteousness and fear that we use to justify killing and exploitation of resources. My role in this evolution is as much about my personal journey as what I can bring to others. I need to come to the issues with a balanced and peaceful mind or I will not be any assistance to the community. I can either add to the conflict by judging and being righteous, or I can find my own equanimity to be compassionate to all humanity.

Chilling Out
The Kenyan people are just trying to survive the best they can, just as we all are. I am not better than anyone here. Are you going to remain one of the billions of people that complains and seek peace through controlling other people, resources or power? Evidence would suggest that does not work. We need to develop our own peace and share what works for those who are interested. Not as an imposition but as we are invited. That is all the journey requires. Peace does not exist outside the framework of our bodies. All conflict is a reaction that occurs within us that we express through action either constructively or destructively. Peace exists only within the framework of the body. When we have peace within ourselves violence will be impossible in the world.

Lions at Nairobi National Park













Monday, 17 December 2012

Where is it?


Where is violence?

Violence does not exist
outside this package of Me

Peace does not exist
outside
               me

If violence did not exist in me...
                                                it could not exist in the world
If peace does not exist in me...
                                                it cannot exist in the world

Violence is
The heat in my body
The thoughts in my head
     The knots in my stomach
The pounding of my heart

All of which I label as
my experience

This labelling is not
consciously done

It happens so quickly that it
                   Snatches
away my choice and controls
My body
my actions        
and becomes

my expression in the world.

It becomes what people see
It becomes what I do
It becomes what I try to hide
The fist through the wall
The yelling
The tears
The insistence that it is your fault
I feel the way I do

It takes me over
And leaves you feeling assaulted

Flattened

Fearful to approach me

Violence is
The heat in my body
The thoughts in my head
     The knots in my stomach
The pounding of my heart

NOW I SEE
                                                NOW I SEE
                                                                                             NOW I SEE

I can no longer look to you to be my
                   Peace

Peaces exists only within the framework of my body

Violence exists only within the framework of my body

I need to start with this amalgam of
   Experiences I call ME
         
And watch them rise and try to
Take me over
Watch them with compassion

As the cycle of       
                   Blind reaction
                      Creates my suffering
              And extends to the suffering of the world

Stay in my body
      Stay anchored
          My sensations

Allow the reaction watch with love
 It is just cells, neurons and story

GET IT!

Cells             Neurons        Story

Cells             Neurons        Story

Cells             Neurons        Story

Where do they all exist?
Within this body / mind phenonmen

They only result in action when they
Take me over. Or when I choose.

Cells             Neurons        Story

Cells             Neurons        Story

Peace does not exist outside me
Conflict does not exist outside me

Cells             Neurons        Story

I am responsible
          I am responsible
                                      I am responsible

Not for all that I cannot control
          But for Cells Neurons and Story            
                   Controlling me

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

Cultural Narratives and Their Impact on Society


Cultural Narratives and Their Impact on Society
 
Once upon a time an Australian psychologist traveled the world to learn from different cultures about peace and human happiness. This particular woman had a good nose for sniffing out the stories cultures have about themselves that create their experience of life and the actions of the people. That psychologist is Celia Bray from Hobart, Tasmania. That psychologist is me. After 10months on the road, I am noticing the power of cultural narratives on the lives of people in their communities. I also notice the impact the narratives have on me as I adjust to each new culture.  The photos I use in this blog are of the work I am doing with people who are motivated, proactive and making a difference in their communities. They are not indicative of much of what I speak about in my experience in Kenya. I celebrate them in the work they are doing and we are all working together to turn around many of the narratives that hold Kenya back. 
 
In India I saw the contrast between rich and poor. Yet I also saw an empowered community who knew that it is through its own efforts that its future would be determined. There is a self confidence and a spirit of anything being possible. This is a creative culture.  One of the things I respect about the Indian culture is the focus on the collective good. There was a willingness to sacrifice self interest for the good of others. It was humbling for me and a gift to see that human beings can live that way after growing up in Australia, where individual success is key.


And then I landed apprehensively in Kenya. Apprehensive because I had heard that Nairobi is the most dangerous city in Africa and I had no idea how I would respond to Kenyan culture. As I was alighting from the Swiss Air flight (noted as they gave Swiss chocolate on the way out of the plane) I told myself that no matter what happened I would be fine as  I can get a taxi to a hostel if the organisation I was coming to work with forgot to pick me up. Deep breath!
 



As I walked to the arrival hall I was greeted by a man with a warm beaming smile holding a sign saying Celia Bray. I was relieved. It was there that I met Silas, a colleague who introduced me to the lovely generosity of Kenyan people. Since then I have been participating in Do No Harm training, facilitating workshops, hanging out with youth dance groups, building networks, researching youth needs and applying for work permits.
 
It seems that people like me in Kenya. My psychology training combined with community building has given me a piece of the peace building picture that people think is missing in Kenya. People know the rhetoric about peace and train people in the traditional didactic learning ways. However, as a pragmatic psychologist, I design processes that give full ownership of learning and participation to the groups I work with and empower them to be the solution. The learning is embodied. The gap between theory and practice has a bridge in the work I do. The feedback I have been receiving has delighted me and I feel like I have something to contribute to peace building in Kenya. The search is over. I have found my natural niche. My authentic passion has a place in the world and now it is time to fly.

 
Now, we started this story with cultural narratives. What do Kenyans say to themselves about being Kenyan and Kenya?

 
I know my narrative about Kenya is not neutral, as it is through my filters that the experience of Kenya is being sorted and made sense of. Bias included. This is what I have s to say so far...
 

‘Kenya, you are a country of warm hearted, fun and engaging people. There is a charm and cheeky flirtation behind the freely given ‘hello’ which is endearing and builds rapport. Women and men are relaxed around each other and there is an openness. There is a gushing and joyous willingness to help and it is given with love and graciousness. This is especially the case when one finds oneself lost somewhere. It is a place where security guards have a sense of humour and are happy to say hello. It is a place where high 5s are common. Humanity is first and hearts are full.

 
Yet I find a heart broken Kenya. Where so much hope for the future has been trampled on through corruption, inequity, not being given a voice and constantly being let down by those who promise but do not deliver. There is a sadness in the hearts of many people in Kenya that is akin to the passion, talent and dreams Kenyans have that they want to fulfil but feel powerless to live. The stories about why this is the case go back far, but one of the issues seems to be the hope that independence from British rule in 1963 brought and the lack of fulfilment of that hope by Kenyan politics.  Apparently the first Kenyan President, Kenyatta, gave a lot of privilege to his tribe (there are over 47 tribes in Kenya) of land and wealth which has resulted in inequity that other tribes have been struggling to overcome since. It has fuelled division between tribes and been a way politicians can use tribal alliance to advance their political careers ever since.
 

Over 1200 people were killed and 100,000 displaced in violence that occurred in the months after the Kenyan election in 2007. A key narrative about the cause of violence seems to be the perception of corruption and lack of fair play with the election results. The narrative held by the people is that the outcome of the elections was not accurately reflecting the voting of the people. People suspect corruption. This may or may not be the truth, and it is not the truth of this belief that I am here to explore, but rather the impact this perception has on the community.
 
Some of the cultural narratives I have heard so far in Kenya that impact on the social and economic health of the country seem to be:

·         Our government should give us the jobs, infrastructure opportunities we need. We can’t do anything until they do what they are supposed to do.’ It is a sense of entitlement and a sense of waiting for the government to fix the country. This is also the attitude and expectations of NGOs and the perceived rich.

·         White people have money and power.’ – resulting in white people being asked often for money, opportunities and marriage.

·         We have it harder than other people’. A sense of being the victim

·         ‘If you have money you are above the law. It is all about money. Money is power. We MUST get more money.’ More than anything else people talk about needing more money. They are willing to manipulate and exploit each other to get it. The desperation for money is strong and it is not related to poverty exclusively. The rich talk about it the same way as the poor.

·         No matter how hard it gets, we never give up. We keep on fighting.’ This is an optimism and a sense of resilience that helps the communities to keep hoping and keep motivated.

·         After the corruption at the last elections, there is no point voting or getting involved in politics. Politicians are just out for themselves. There is nothing we can do.’ – learned helplessness and resignation

·         Women belong in the home and are to obey men. They do not belong in positions of power.’ – which prevents women from standing up as leaders and they may also not get much support from men.

·         ‘Individual is more important than the community.’ Individuals will undermine each other to get a small piece of the pie rather than work together so everyone can gain. Examples are grants given to youth groups to run a project. Young people will divide the money amongst themselves and receive a very small amount each rather than use the money to for to generate a project which will benefit everyone and lift them out of their situation in the long term. They do not trust each other and do not work for long term collective gain, which keeps them all poor.

 
Some of the narratives are strengths that assist Kenya to be a peaceful country and others create division. The victim narrative, the helplessness and the sense not being responsible for their future is a key barrier to Kenya’s prosperity and peace. Time and work needs to be done to assist Kenyans to create a more empowering narrative and innovative spirit.
 


The individualistic narrative and the lack of innovative spirit is a big contrast to my experience in India and the situation I have encountered in Kenya has surprised me. In India there is a huge gap between rich and poor but all levels of society have pride in who they are and a sense of creating their own future. Corruption is present in India, but not the corruption of the spirit to the point of helplessness and despair that is found in Kenya.
 


There is no doubt the government could do a lot more and even if all Kenyan’s  grievances are correct, it does not need to stop Kenyans taking their future into their own hands and being proactive. The dependence on others and giving responsibility for their lives to others is a disempowering context and has implications on every aspect of Kenyan society.

 


Three may be several reasons for this. An obvious one is the history of Western cultures coming into ‘help’ through aid, charity work. For years westerners have seen images of starving children in Africa and so money is given to help. This is a noble intention, however it may be one of the reasons Kenyans see Westerners as the suppliers of money and put themselves in the role as passive receivers with their hands stretched for money. Kenyans may have given away some of their confidence in their own capacity to innovate, create their future and NOT need foreign aid. The fact that Kenya has more NGOs in Africa than anywhere else is interesting. Clearly a lot of people want to help, which is great when there are so many people who want to be looked after.  I am aware that aid and assistance can be a great thing when there is a crisis and the aid genuinely empowers communities to stand on their own, not when creating dependence. With so much money being poured into Africa, when one assesses the results, it does not add up. An example of this that still astounds me is as follows:
 

In Australia, the USA, Canada, India and most of the countries I know about, if a training program or workshop is offered, participants sign up and pay for their place. When they put their own cash into the program they are investing in their future and go to the program for the learning that they want to use when they leave the training to improve their lives.  There are circumstances where a workplace or organisation may pay for their staff to participate, again because it is an investment in the future for the organisation. There is ownership by participants at some level for what they gain from the program.
 
In Kenya. If a workshop is offered, participants are paid to attend. Their transport is covered, food covered and often they are given cash to be there (called a sitting fee). They are paid by the people conducting the workshop. I am shocked!  Who do you think attends in these circumstances? How much ownership or investment is there by the participants for the learning they gain? The purpose of the workshop for many participants becomes the promise of being paid to be there. I have been told that if I want people to attend then I have to provide money for participants.
 
So, what to do? There is a team of us who are keen to turn the hand out culture, the individualism and the helplessness around. We are not going to pay people to attend something that benefits them. We want genuine ways of engaging communities to create their own future so we are going to conduct an experiment. We are travelling around Kenya for a month to consult youth. We will run an open forum and invite young people from all walks of life to attend to discuss their ideas for their communities and their lives. Young people in Kenya range from 15yo to 35yo. We will not charge people to attend, but they will need to get themselves there and feed themselves. The invitation to attend will be on the basis of giving young Kenyans an opportunity to start a dialogue about their future and generate ideas about what they can do in their community. Some in our team excited about the new way of doing things and others are justifiably nervous about my approach. Kenyans have grown up in a culture where the NGO supplies everything. This experiment is a call to Kenyans to put themselves on the line to be the authors of their own destiny. It is a call for them to invest in themselves and develop the confidence in their ideas, wisdom, passion and leadership.


 

There is a lot of great work being done where communities are genuinely being engaged in creating their own solutions, however the general cultural narrative is one of passive dependence and powerlessness. Any spark of a self reliant culture is fragile and needs to be nurtured.
 
The finger pointing and blaming of others for our problems is not unique to Kenya. It is everywhere and we all do it. Creating space for people to create their own solutions and draw on the wisdom of their community is unusual in most parts of the world. We blame the government, big business, various ideologies, family members, people we don’t like... but it doesn’t always result in the dominant cultural narrative being one of expecting others to save us. Whenever we blame others, we give our power away, so it helps us to let go of blame and step powerfully into our own future.
 
I don’t think our western cultural narrative has helped. The cultural narrative of the West of being a super power that has ‘got it right and others should do things the way we do’ has resulted in the imperialism that disempowers indigenous cultures. The arrogance of the West in thinking it is needed to save the less economically powerful countries is difficult for me to swallow. Economic power does not mean wisdom, nor does it mean happiness. If we measured success through human happiness, the West would not rate so highly. For Kenya to catch the disease (dis – ease) that is caused by thinking that happiness comes through material wealth and money is a great tragedy.
 
I am not immune to the hypocrisy of my position, as  is a westerner coming to another country to work for peace, hoping to assist, just like all those who have come before and stuffed things up. At least I am in good company and perhaps I will also contribute nothing useful. ‘The road to hell is paved with good intentions.’ – A good heart and good intentions are not enough. Wisdom is required. It is a partnership. To use the words that have become well known in many Australian circles;

"If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time.
               But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine,
                                      then let us walk together…”
           Lila Watson, Australian Aboriginal woman, in response to mission workers
 
I am in Kenya for my own reasons, because it is fulfilling my own dream for a peaceful planet, from the peace in the hearts and minds of all human beings and its natural expression of peace in our world. Whether I contribute this to others is yet to be seen.  I hope that I am going to walk together with communities and allow others to contribute to me as much as  can contribute to others.
 
The research in Kenya will have its own natural journey. It is designed to empower a community but if no one participates then that is learning. If no-one attends or supports the process then questions can be asked. Finding out the reasons are part of what is needed to work out what communities want and how they want it. It could mean the narrative of ‘you have to give everything to us before we can do anything’ may be confirmed (of course it may be other reasons too, so we can’t assume anything at this point). If lots of people participate then it breaks the story that people in Kenya need to be spoon fed and that they won’t participate otherwise.
 
So, that is the challenge. What will the outcomes be? 

Stay tuned.




Sunday, 17 June 2012


After a month  intense study, conducting training, meeting wonderful people from Iran, Kenya, Fiji, the USA, Bangladesh, Somalia, Germany, the Philippines, Mexico... it is time to leave the Summer Peacebuiding Insitute (SPI). As I prepare to go to Kenya after 6 months in India and Nepal, I feel a need to pay homage to the 6 weeks spent between India and Kenya. Namely, the USA and Switzerland. Coming back to the ‘West’ after India and Nepal was it’s own culture shock. As I journeyed to the American South known as Virginia I was amazed. The sprawling green hills, long low houses surrounded by lush perfectly manicured lawns, acres of shopping malls spread before me. I was also greeted by cool clean air and the sound of the unique southern American accents made their way to my ear drums.

In my final few days in the USA I was staying with my wonderful friend Anne in Richmond. We were driving (which seems to be the only transport available in Virginia) and I started wistfully sharing with Anne how much I am going to miss being somewhere where people reply to emails, electricity flows regularly, there is heating and cooling, the water comes drinkable straight out of the tap, the fresh vegetables can be eaten straight out of the supermarket, credit cards work, cash machines work... I think you get the picture. Anne said that she thought I should write a blog about all the things I will miss about the USA, as the USA gets a lot of bad press. I agreed that the USA does get bad press and I won’t go into possible reasons for that here...

Eastern Mennonite University (EMU) Summer Peacebuilding Institute (SPI) staff are FANTASTIC! It is because of their amazing talents that I am inspired to write this blog. The rest of the USA may not be like this, but let me dream for a moment about my experience at EMU during the Summer Peacebuilding Institute. It went something like this...

When I asked for materials to run my workshops, they appeared ahead of time. Microphones, video equipment and IT all worked. Staff were where they said they would be at the time they said they would be there. If something I needed was not possible alternatives were offered and acted on immediately. There seemed to be a team of people that communicated with each other and things got done. I got to set up my workshop rooms the night before the workshop, all printed material was ready to use and I could test and prepare everything. It was like I had died and ended up in heaven somewhere. It is my ideal. There was no gap between the idea and the reality. It all worked. I miss this already! As a student we had coloured pencils and playdoe to play with in class...
 
Oh how I will miss that 10am means 10am, that I do not need to be afraid to ask a question or ask for help because I know that people will eventually understand me (sometimes rapid speaking Australian needs translation in other English speaking countries), that I do not need to panic about whether materials and venues will be available for training I am conducting. I will miss that I trust people to do the things they say they will do. I will miss knowing it will all work out and there will not be any last minute surprises, such as no electricity, the venue being locked. I will miss that I can be a control freak and it works.


And the beautiful Switzerland! Let’s start with the chocolate! It is all great here. There is no such thing as Cadbury’s here. Lindt is the common standard, and it is cheap! Then there is the cheese (yes, none of this is good for my weight or my health), then the bread, vegetables.... the food! The buses, trams, trains that go everywhere. They are all clean, comfortable, not overcrowded, on time and frequent. The only down side is that the public transport is expensive, but I guess you get what you pay for! Everywhere is so well signposted. Getting from A to B is not a hassle. I don’t have to bargain with people, worry that I am being conned, worry about drunken rickshaw drivers, in fact I don’t even have to talk to anyone as I get to consult a poster on a wall about where I want to go, a TV screen about where in the station to find the train / bus / tram and another screen to give me a ticket. The ATMs work, paying by card is easy, the men are good looking and tall – although so are the women, but I won’t miss the women! I quite like reading the German but have come to realize that being able to read German does not mean I can understand anything that is being said in Swiss German. Apparently everyone learns what they call ‘high German’ at school and everything is written in high German, but it is spoken in Swiss German which is another thing altogether. I will miss the dancing. The 5Rhythms classes I did here were incredible. Apparently there are many 5Rhythms instructors here.

The mountains are beautiful and close to everywhere. They even had some Bollywood idols up the top of Mt Titlis which was a great opportunity to combine India and Switzerland in one great package!





Switzerland has everything and it is packaged into a neat, beautiful, clean and high quality package. I love it. Nothing is too far away and everything is accessible. My couch surfing experience has been wonderful in Zurich which has made a massive difference. I don’t know how people travelled before couchsurfing. I remember my travelling being more lonely and less fun when it was the world of youth hostels. Couchsurfing. It has taken the stress out of travelling by myself. Meeting locals who are happy to host me is wonderful! Local knowledge and wonderful people!

Monday, 7 May 2012

A Path to Peace


After 6 months and a rollercoaster of emotions, a fractured hand, a dead toe nail, bollywood dancing and some great friends, I have left India and Nepal. Some of you may remember the passionate and disillusioned post I created when I was in Nepal a couple of months ago. After posting it  I was mortified that I had published such an emotional outburst that was loaded with western judgments. I tracked down internet access the next day to delete it. 

I am now more balanced in my perspective (well, more reflective anyway). This is a snapshot from my time in Nepal. I found Nepal difficult for a number of reasons but hugely enriching in a life altering way. The combination of India and Nepal has been incredible. I am not the same person who left Australia 6 months ago.  
Sri Aurobindo Yoga Mandir - my new friends!
                            
I had had a few epiphanies while I was in Nepal which are influencing my choices. A friend of mine from the Summer Peacebuilding Institute training I did last year in the USA is from Syria and he has been talking about the dictator in Syria killing the Syrian people. In Nepal they have a saying ‘same same but different’ to describe things, which is an annoyingly useless way to describe something, but I am starting to see that it has merit. The words of distress from my Syrian friend were disturbingly familiar as I think of Egypt and throughout history many other countries around the world. 

It dawned on me in a personal and profound way that when one dictator is removed, another oppressive regime soon takes their place. Of course we have all known that for a long time, but this time it feels like I got it in a different way. I understand that it has always been that way with human nature and power and thus it will always be. 

It is also the case that there have always been people who work for peace, feed the hungry, work for the environment etc, and there always will be. I realized that there is no point trying to change people, like REALLY no point. I believe people can change but the change comes from them. The saying that 'when the pupil is ready the teacher will appear' has a new meaning for me. The seed of change comes from within each of us and only when we are open can anyone else contribute to our growth. Being happy with who people are without needing them to change is such a relief. I am reading the Bhagavad Gita (Hindu spiritual text) which has been interesting. It is similar to Buddhism in that they key to liberation from suffering lies within our own reality and not the external world. Freedom lies in our own perception, not in changing others. It talks about an enlightened person being one who is equally loving and at peace with the good, the bad and the ugly, because all are a part of life. 

From Khopra Ridge, Annapurna Ranges, Himalayas
The Gita talks about the importance of letting go of needing to achieve results from our actions as clinging to outcomes creates suffering. I can relate to the suffering that comes from being focused on reaching targets, achieving goals and striving for particular outcomes when I look at our western culture. It is a pressure in the business world for staff to produce results that creates a lot of stress. 
 
The sum total of all these musings is that I realized that I could spend my life trying to change the external world, basically running around in circles as there will always be some variation of what we have today given human nature. It is like trying to fill a bucket that does not have a bottom. This idea does not appeal to me. I like making a difference but I also need to look after my own mental, emotional, spiritual and physical development.
 
Holi Day Nepal - Kolhuwa 
So, what does all this mean. Who knows, but I am considering things like coming back to Nepal and volunteering in their rural ashram in Kolhuwa, Terai, to teach the kids for 6 months. I love the kids so working with the children would be fun. It feels like a spiritual journey too, as I would be stepping out of the mainstream world for a while. There is meditation and it is a very peaceful place which means the volunteer work would be in a setting that would help me grow too. And in 6 months I know I could make a consistent and useful difference to the kids - oh there I go, looking for outcomes. But, it also feels scary. Scary due to me having to deal with loneliness, which has been a factor for me in Nepal.  As a social bunny, I am sure you can fathom the challenge of working in a non English speaking culture in a remote area and the challenge of it.
 
Yet the peace and pace of life in Kolhuwa is incredible. It feels so healthy. Balanced. Fulfilling. There is something about being in the mountains or in nature in Nepal that feels transcendental in its beauty. It is not something I feel in the Australian wilderness, but here, there is something magical about it and I feel pulled to spend time in nature here. So some ideas are emerging. Less focus on saving the world from nuclear bombs and more on making a difference in small and peaceful ways.
 
It is a nice feeling to let go of world peace and focus on Celia peace. It feels a lot less frustrating (although I may take that one back!). I am aware how much my righteous opinionated mind has to say about Nepal, but instead of getting sucked in by my heavily complaining mind, I am very slowly getting better at seeing it as my mind having a tantrum and can let it go a little more easily. I want to become much more skilled at letting stuff go and the environment in rural Nepal has helped with that. There are so many hygiene issues, isolation, cultural difficulties and language barriers but in the end it is just life as normal in the area. The community in Nepal have been teaching me Nepali which is great. I loved that! I am looking forward to posting on my Tassie friend Guy’s FB wall that guy means cow in Nepali - don't worry Guy, cows are sacred here J
 
Rice Fields, Kolhuwa Nepal
If I don’t come back to Nepal I would like to find another place where the natural environment is so beautiful and the cultural elements suit me. The kids here kept trying to make me promise to come back which was hard because part of me wants to, but a large part of me wants to keep moving on and I am aware of how hard I found it in Nepal. It has helped me realise that I would like to try some similar setups in other places.  I think that teaching children how to meditate is a fabulous tool and way to assist in them developing emotional and mental strength. We could do with a lot more of it in the west. Here, the young children work alone in classrooms without teachers quietly and teach themselves. That wouldn’t happen in Australia, they would all run off to the mall or something.

So the journey continues and is changing me. Now I am in the USA at the Summer Peacebuilding Institute http://www.emu.edu/cjp/spi/ learning from inspiring people from many countries around the world about developing peace. I will run a training in Open Space Technology Facilitation  http://openspaceworld.org/ and a workshop on Peace and Leadership. My focus is on the internal journey now. Peace starts with me. As Harrison Owen says in the Open Space Handbook

Turn up
Be present
Tell the truth
Let it all go